This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
