if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
