yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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