I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I just had sex on a roof
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
