In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
