Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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