i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
