i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
