it was like his penis was on wheels.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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