We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I will be naked everywhere
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
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