im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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