he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
