i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Hippo gnu deer
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
