so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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