Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
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