I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
organizing the empties. That sober.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
sex in a hospital.. check
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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