Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
