Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Randomize
