I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
