i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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