you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
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