i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
