Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
