and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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