I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
