I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
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