Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
