I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
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