He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Randomize
