he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
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