like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
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I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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