we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
