I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize