it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
