i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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