I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize