I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Randomize
