Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
