Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
