So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
