Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
