just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Randomize
