is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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