it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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