i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize