I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
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