My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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