i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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