ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
