They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
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There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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