so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
