I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
