Duck Duck Cougar?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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