I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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