yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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