hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
