WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
