Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
