Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
This house was built for laser tag.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
