Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
