fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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