I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
