i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
