I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
