I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
