I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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