Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Still dying that you shit outside
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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