I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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