I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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