There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
