Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
