If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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