I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
