He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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