the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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