i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
